I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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