Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
