I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I want her autograph on my taint
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
