i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
