I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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