A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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