He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
