I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
