I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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