Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
