This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
