i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
