There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
