Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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