I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
