I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
