every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
there is glitter all over my balls
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