his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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