how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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