We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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