if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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