drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
