I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
