it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
