I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
