He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
