Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
