I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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