I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
