Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
