It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
