Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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