Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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