the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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