after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
