I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
