Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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