If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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