It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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