porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
