I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
