yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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