i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
