Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
