He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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