Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
