if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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