u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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