After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
