almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
